Tabloid Thespians

Andy Warhol’s quip about everybody in the future being world-famous for 15 minutes has decayed into such a bloated corpse of a cliché that we were reluctant to resurrect it for the assembled cast in the moviehouse tonight. Truth is, nobody in this collection of supermarket tabloid fodder, except for one noteworthy exception, deserved even a passing second glance, but in a society that delights in pop-culture train-wrecks, they managed to market a few inches of headlines into fleeting moments on the big and small screens.

New York City auto body shop slob Joey Buttafuoco made headlines in 1992 after his affair with underage Amy Fisher was capped off when the "Long Island Lolita" shot Joey’s wife, Mary Jo, in the face. Amy served seven years, while Joey pleaded guilty to statutory rape and served six months. He and his wife, who recovered, moved to California but divorced early in 2003.

In 1997, Buttafuoco got top billing in "Better Than Ever," a little-heard-of comedy costarring legendary comic impressionist Frank Gorshin and William Hickey (Oscar nominee for "Prizzi’s Honor"). The following year, he had a cameo role in "The Godson," a numbingly humorless parody of "The Godfather," starring Rodney Dangerfield, Dom DeLuise, Kevin McDonald ("The Kids in the Hall") and Lou Ferrigno. Joey appeared in yet another witless spoof of "The Godfather," as part of 1999's "The Underground Comedy Movie," bluntly reviewed by Laurence Van Gelder of The New York Times as "a series of sketches built around subjects like masturbation, defecation, alienation, urination, necrophilia, casual brutality and mockery of the unfortunate." According to Mr. Van Gelder, Buttafuoco’s presence in "this exercise in arrested adolescence…gives some indication of the heights of stardom and thespian prowess to which the film aspires, although Karen Black, who has known far better times, also lends herself to this sorry enterprise." In 2000, Joey enjoyed his most legitimate acting assignment in "Finding Forrester," receiving 30th billing as "Night Man."

Off the screen, Buttafuoco found himself being charged with various crimes on numerous occasions, including solicitation of prostitution, auto insurance fraud and illegal possession of ammunition in violation of his convicted felon status. In 2006, he and Amy Fisher were reunited at a celebrity coin toss for the Lingerie Bowl, a controversial pay-per-view event that airs during half-time in the Super Bowl. Most recently, he was reportedly hosting a live radio talk show devoted to recovery subjects

John Wayne Bobbitt’s name hit national headlines in June 1993 when Ecuador-born wife Lorena grabbed a kitchen carving knife and reduced his manhood by half. The missing piece of the anatomical jigsaw puzzle was recovered and reattached in nine-and-a-half hours of surgery. Bobbitt subsequently formed a rock band called "The Severed Parts," but their career was cut short. It seemed only a matter of time before he appeared in adult films, ostensibly to pay off medical and legal bills, beginning with 1994’s "John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut," directed by and costarring Ron Jeremy, the old-school porn star familiar to reality-TV junkies as the pug-ugly, troll-like regular on such dirty-laundry airings as "The Surreal Life." Mr. Bobbitt’s X-rated collaborations with Mr. Jeremy continued with "Buttman at Nudes-a-Poppin’ 2" (no kidding!) and "Frankenp*n*s."

In 2002, Bobbitt was slated to oppose Joey Buttafuoco on the Fox Network’s "Celebrity Boxing." But after the former was arrested on a domestic abuse charge, Joey faced off against - and defeated - former wrestler Joan "Chyna" Laurer. Bobbitt popped up again on the World Wrestling Federation’s "Monday Night Raw" before moving to Las Vegas, where he found tenuous employment as a bartender, limo driver, tow truck driver, even minister. He was reportedly arrested several times for offenses ranging from domestic battery to grand larceny.

Tonya Harding’s flash-in-the-pan notoriety came after then ex-husband Jeff Gilooly and two goons conspired to assault Tonya’s rival, Nancy Kerrigan, at a practice session for the 1994 U.S. Figure Skating Championships. Harding pleaded guilty to hindering the ensuing investigation of the attack and found herself banned for life from participating in sanctioned events by the U.S. Figure Skating Association. Almost immediately afterward, she appeared on a USA Pro Wrestling broadcast as a wrestler’s "manager."

In 1996, Tonya made her publicized feature film debut, in a third-billed role, in "Breakaway," a cheap, rarely seen mob thriller starring the poor man’s Martin Sheen, Joe Estevez (Martin’s real-life younger brother). In 2002, Harding appeared on the previously mentioned "Celebrity Boxing," handily defeating her opponent, onetime President Clinton accuser Paula Jones. The following year, Tonya, pounds heftier than her days on the ice rink, made her official women’s professional boxing debut. Her career in the ring was kayoed by asthma, and she "retired" with a record of 3-3-0. She subsequently had a small role in "The Prize Fighter," a 2003 boxing melodrama (featuring cameos by Leon Spinks and Gary Busey) from low-budget auteur Mark Mason, writer-editor-producer-director-second unit director of "Party Crasher: My Bloody Birthday" (2000).

Jessica Hahn was an unassuming, modestly attractive church secretary with big hair before becoming a headline-maker in a sex scandal with televangelist Jim Bakker. The tryst and its publicity collapsed Bakker’s Praise the Lord TV network and led to his conviction for mail fraud, wire fraud and conspiracy. He served almost five years of a 45-year sentence here in Rochester, Minnesota’s Federal Medical Center before being paroled in 1993.

As for Jessica, she capitalized on the notoriety by appearing nude in several Playboy magazine pictorials and videos. In her premiere unveiling (November 1987), she commented, "To do this in Playboy…is probably the most ironic, the most farfetched idea for a church secretary…But I fought a long time to start feeling good about myself and my body again." She declared, "These pictures are a celebration of a new life for me." In less than a year, the new, surgically enhanced Jessica had even "more" to celebrate in the magazine, proclaiming, "I don’t agree with all the preachers who say sex is dirty. It may be the best thing God created." She became a frequent guest on "The Howard Stern Show" and had a publicized relationship with late comedian Sam Kinison, appearing in his 1988 music video for "Wild Thing."

Hahn had guest roles on TV in episodes of "Married with Children," "Dream On," "Blossom" and "Unhappily Ever After," and in 1992 received star billing in "Bikini Summer 2," written and directed by, and costarring Jeff Conaway, onetime heartthrob on the hit ‘80s sitcom "Taxi," these days a pathetic shambles on "Celebrity Fit Club" and "Celebrity Rehab." Drive-in movie critic Joe Bob Briggs noted, "Jessica Hahn has taken up acting lately, and everybody SCOFFED…until ‘Bikini Summer 2.’ Every actress in Hollywood wanted to play the nymphomaniac Home Shopping Network addict who rolls around her bed all day dressed in Victoria’s Secret lingerie, fantasizing about Jeff Conaway. But only Jessica believed in herself enough to GET THAT PART and then deliver the performance of a lifetime." Joe Bob singled out Hahn "for doing 95 percent of her performance in bed."

Back in the naïve 1970s, another secretary, Elizabeth Ray, found herself in the center of a news-making sex scandal. On the payroll in 1976 of a political committee headed by U.S. Representative Wayne Hayes (D) of Ohio for two years as a clerk-secretary, she eventually admitted that her real job duties were providing the 65-year-old congressman sexual favors. She said, "I can’t type, I can’t file, I can’t even answer the phone." Wayne’s career went belly up, while Liz posed for Playboy (of course), wrote a tell-all memoir and tried standup comedy. On screen, she was only able to land a bit part as "Dead Girl" in a low-budget 1992 thriller called "Red Room."

When it comes to Rita Jenrette, it was actually her husband, disgraced U.S. Representative John Jenrette (D) from South Carolina, who made headlines, when he was charged with and convicted for accepting a $50,000 bribe in the Abscam sting operation by the FBI in 1980. His other noteworthy action during his tenure in Congress was having sex with wife Rita behind a pillar on the steps of the Capitol. The couple separated in January 1981, divorcing later that year, and Rita immediately tore off her clothes for Playboy, disrobing again for the magazine in 1984.

Rita appeared in 1981 on the daytime drama "Edge of Night" and the primetime series "Fantasy Island" in 1982. She had two brief topless scenes (including the obligatory shower bit) in 1984’s cheesy "Zombie Island Massacre" (which, disappointingly, had very little to do with zombies) and popped in as the owner of "The Malibu Bikini Shop," a 1986 teen sex comedy, before getting an aboveboard acting role in "End of the Line" (1987), a feel-good road movie about a commandeered railway locomotive, starring Kevin Bacon, Wilford Brimley and Levon Helm. In 1994, Rita started a real estate business.

The saying goes - as evidenced above - politics makes for strange bedfellows. Sometimes, it also makes for odder relatives. Billy Carter, kid brother of President Jimmy Carter, quickly became the popular punchline in countless jokes by TV talk show comedians for his unpredictable public behavior. In one of his more demure outbursts, he relieved himself on an airport runway in full view of the press and dignitaries. In 1976, Billy made an unsuccessful bid for mayor of Plains, Georgia, so in compensation, he endorsed Billy Beer the following year. Billy’s one-and-only opportunity as an actor came in a sixth-billed role as Deputy Miller in "Flatbed Annie & Sweetiepie: Lady Truckers," a 1979 TV movie featuring Annie Potts ("Designing Women"), Kim Darby ("True Grit"), Harry Dean Stanton, Arthur Godfrey, Fred Willard, Rory Calhoun and Avery Schreiber. Like several family members, Billy died of pancreatic cancer, in 1987, age 51.

President Clinton’s younger half-brother, Roger Clinton, was an erstwhile musician who played guitar (while big brother Bill occasionally gave in publicly to his fondness for the sax) and who, after a 1984 arrest for cocaine possession, served a year in federal prison. Following an appearance in the 1994 comedy "National Lampoon’s Last Resort," starring the Coreys, Feldman and Haim, Roger enjoyed a meaty supporting role as "Mayor Bubba" in the bloody 1994 thriller "Pumpkinhead II." He subsequently landed parts in "Bio-Dome" (1996), with Pauly Shore and Stephen Baldwin, and the 1996 Leslie Nielsen spoof "Spy Hard," portraying "Agent Clinton." Before leaving the White House, President Clinton granted Roger a pardon for his federal cocaine conviction. In 2007, Roger played himself in the comedy "Fred Claus," starring Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti.

Big brother Bill himself did more than his share in providing gossip-mongers with headline-hungry bottom-feeders. Paula Jones was the former Arkansas state employee who sued Clinton for sexual harassment, alleging that he, during his administration as that state’s governor, dropped his trousers in front of her and exposed himself in 1991. She later agreed to appear on "Celebrity Boxing," where she was outclassed by the bulkier Tony Harding. After a nose job, Paula married a Little Rock salesman in 2001 and, as of 2007, was a real estate agent in central Arkansas.

Gennifer Flowers crawled from under a rock during Clinton’s 1992 Presidential campaign, claiming she had had a 12-year relationship with him. As a fledgling actress, she had previously appeared in a pair of independent Australian films, "Frenchman’s Farm" and "Redheads." In the wake of the scandal, she posed nude for Penthouse magazine and guest-starred on HBO TV’s "Dream On" in the 1992 episode "And Bimbo Was His Name-O" that also featured Jessica Hahn and Rita Jenrette. She had a cameo as herself in the boxing comedy-drama "Play It to the Bone" (1992), starring Antonio Banderas, Woody Harrelson and Tom Sizemore, written and directed by Ron Shelton ("Bull Durham"). As of 2007, she was residing in Las Vegas, and in 2008, she was offering the answering machine tapes of her conversations with Clinton for sale.

Ultimately, we come to Monica Lewinsky, the young woman with whom Clinton admitted to having an "inappropriate relationship" while she worked as an intern at the White House in 1995 and 1996. The scandal became known as "Monicagate" and "Zippergate." In 1999, Lewinsky reflected, "I’m well-known for something that isn’t great to be well-known for." She appeared as herself in two sketches on the May 8, 1999, broadcast of NBC’s "Saturday Night Life" and hosted the short-lived reality show "Mr. Personality" in 2003. In 2006, she graduated from the London School of Economics with a master’s degree in Social Psychology.

It seems almost amusingly quaint now, but in 1974, a stripper calling herself Fanne Foxe emerged as the femme fatale in a sex scandal with Arkansas Congressman Wilbur Mills (D), up to then one of the most powerful members of the House of Representatives. The 65-year-old Mills was having an affair with Foxe, 27 years his junior. On October 7, 1974, the two, after a night of drinking, were in Mills’ car, being driven by a former Nixon staffer, when it was stopped by police near the Washington’s Tidal Basin at 2AM because the driver had forgotten to turn on the headlights. Fanne attempted to flee the scene by jumping into the water of the Basin. Mills, whose face was cut from a scuffle with Foxe, initially denied the incident ever happened but backtracked when it turned out that a local TV cameraman had captured it all on film. Nonetheless, he was re-elected later that year, but after he drunkenly staggered on the stage of a Boston strip club where Fanne was performing, he was forced to resign as Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, and he did not run in 1976.

Ms. Foxe (born Annabelle Battistella in Argentina) continued working as a stripper, although she changed her stage name from "The Argentine Firecracker" to "The Tidal Basin Bombshell." After publishing a book, The Stripper and the Congressman, Foxe (who once admitted to undergoing four separate breast enhancements in her career) eventually returned to Argentina, where she starred in a comedy motion picture.

Divine Brown (born Estella Marie Thompson) was a prostitute who ate up headlines in 1995 when actor Hugh Grant was caught being orally pleasured by her from her car on Hollywood’s Sunset Boulevard, two weeks before the release of his film "Nine Months." The following year, Brown starred in the adult movie "Sunset and Divine" (AKA "Nine Minutes" and "Taken for Granted"), directed by and costarring (who else?) Ron Jeremy. She also appeared on "The Howard Stern Show," Danny Bonaduce’s short-lived "Danny" in 1996, Joey Buttafuoco’s cable access show in 1998 and "Judge Judy" in 1999. She has said that the money she earned since the incident allowed her to put her kids through private school and purchase a four-bedroom house.

Finally, we come to that singular, notable exception mention at the onset. Donna Rice found herself an unlikely participant in the 1987 sex scandal that scuttled the second Presidential bid by Senator Gary Hart (D) of Colorado (based solely on a single photographic image of Rice sitting on Hart’s lap aboard a yacht called "Monkey Business"). She said no to Playboy magazine, although she was a spokes-model for No Excuses jeans. Since the mid-1990s, she has worked as an anti-pornography activist. From 1994 to 1999, she was Communications Director and Vice President of "Enough Is Enough," a nonprofit organization dedicated to stopping pornography, assisting victims and campaigning "to make the internet safer for children and families." As of 1995, she has been the volunteer president of "Enough Is Enough," and she co-authored the book Kids Online: Protecting Your Children in Cyberspace.

Epilogue: The Beat Goes On

"The more things change, the more they are the same." Alphonse Karr (1808 - 1890)

More recently, Ashley Alexandra Dupré (stage name for Ashley Rae Maika DiPietro, born Ashley Youmans), made headlines as the call girl at the center of the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal which ultimately precipitated his resignation as the governor of New York in March 2008. Before the hoopla, Ashley had already begun a professional singing career. Reportedly represented by a music manager who once worked for Mariah Carey, she is prevented from making money without first dealing with federal prosecutors over potential charges stemming from her involvement in prostitution.

In the wake of the above mentioned scandal, an investigation of a madam of an escort agency that provided services for Spitzer turned up the name of Jessica Cutler. In 2004, Jessica Cutler, a congressional staff assistant for Senator Michael DeWine (R) of Ohio, started publishing a blog called "Washingtonienne," graphically describing her active sex-for-money activities with several men, among them, allegedly, government appointees of President George W. Bush. Her identity was revealed, and in May 2004, she was fired for "unacceptable use of Senate computers." That summer, Playboy.com featured an interview with her, along with the obligatory nude pictures. Cutler wrote a novel inspired by her experiences, and she maintains a current blog called "Jessica Cutler Online." Reportedly, both HBO and Disney (yes, Disney) were working on TV series based on her story. (It was a Disney offshoot that presented "Pretty Woman," the popular romantic comedy that turned the saga of a prostitute into a cute "Cinderella" story.)

While some in the media labeled her a "D.C. slut" and "one of Washington’s most loathsome," Jessica unabashedly embraced her notoriety, proclaiming, "Public embarrassment is really very liberating. You really stop caring about what people think…So I am way ahead of everybody. And those of you behind me can kiss my a**."