Sacred Ground

"And He said (to Moses), ‘Draw not nigh hither. Put off thy shoes from thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.’"
Exodus 3:5


Part I

In honoring idols of screen and television comedy, filmmakers take one of two paths. The safe and oft-traveled route is the maudlin tears-of-a-clown tale, depicting our beloved comic icons as tortured and bellicose malcontents who masked their misery with the gift of eliciting unconditional laughter from audiences.

Men in porkpie hats: Buster Keaton and Donald O'Connor

Donald O’Connor, a comedic powerhouse known for his athleticism and rubber face, was woefully miscast as the silent screen’s Great Stone Face in 1957’s "The Buster Keaton Story." (Director Sidney Sheldon, who created the TV series "The Patty Duke Show," "I Dream of Jeannie" and "Hart to Hart," later became a prolific novelist whose best sellers included The Other Side of Midnight.) Critic Leonard Maltin noted, "Weak fiction ignores the facts…making up its own." Keaton, long ignored by Hollywood and on hard times, served as the movie’s technical advisor and set himself up financially for the remainder of his years by selling the film rights to his life story.

Equally ignorant of the truth, "W.C. Fields and Me" (1976) featured Rod Steiger (above) delivering an over-the-top cocktail-party impression of Hollywood’s favorite curmudgeon as an ornery, self-pitying cuss. Directed by journeyman Arthur Hiller (whose 1992’s "The Babe" played fast and loose with the facts in John Goodman’s performance as Babe Ruth), the film was supposedly based on a memoir by starlet-wannabe and Fields’ mistress, Carlotta Monti, however, only one incident from the book found its way into the otherwise fanciful screenplay.

Made-for-television movies are particularly guilty of jettisoning the truth in favor of melodrama. Overlooking the criminal negligence in casting Harvey Korman as Bud Abbott and Buddy Hackett as Lou Costello in 1978’s "Bud  & Lou" (above) Chris Costello found the maligned characterization of her father so negative that she wrote the biography Lou’s on First to set the record straight.

"And away we go!": Brad Garrett in "Gleason"

A soap-opera atmosphere permeated the 1991 TV movie "Lucy & Desi: Before the Laughter," with Lucille Ball portrayed by Frances Fisher (best known as Kate Winslet’s mother in "Titanic" and the frontier madam in Clint Eastwood’s "Unforgiven"), as well as 2002’s "Gleason," depicting the popular entertainer as a driven egomaniac haunted by childhood memories of being abandoned by his father. Despite being a foot taller than Jackie Gleason, 6-foot 8 ½-inch tall Brad Garrett (costar of the hit TV series "Everybody Loves Raymond") succeeded - thanks to strategic camera placement and costars wearing elevated footwear - in recapturing, the essence of "The Great One."

Michele Lee and Dick Van Dyke in Carl Reiner's "The Comic"

Probably the sincerest portrait of a screen clown with a self-destructive ego was the fictional "The Comic" (1960), written and directed by Rob Reiner, starring Dick Van Dyke in a role that was a composite of several real-life silent era comedians.

An exception in the parade of poor-pitiful-me portraits, yet not without faults of its own, is the 1992 production "Chaplin," due in no small part to the polished filmmaking skills of director Richard Attenborough ("Gandhi") but largely attributed to the Oscar-nominated performance by Robert Downey Jr. (above), a mercurial actor who, after undergoing as many comebacks as John Travolta, is currently riding high for his roles as Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes in a number of films. "Robert Downey Jr.," according to critic Roger Ebert, "succeeds almost uncannily in playing Chaplin; the physical resemblance is convincing, but better is the way Downey captures Chaplin’s spirit, even in costume as the Tramp."

The riskier, rarely explored path is to re-invent comedy classics (as if treading on holy ground), transplanting our treasured icons into modern realities, which is exactly what director Penelope Spheeris did with "The Little Rascals" (1994). Best known for making the gritty trilogy of "The Decline of Western Civilization" documentaries - covering the Los Angeles punk rock scene, L.A.’s heavy metal bands, and the lifestyle of homeless L.A. teens - Spheeris has had varying success directing the comedies "Wayne’s World," "The Beverly Hillbillies" and "Black Sheep."

In "The Little Rascals," Spanky and other members of the He-Man Woman Haters Club, having selected Alfalfa as their champion in an upcoming go-cart race, set out to sabotage their ringer’s budding romance with Darla. Writing in The Washington Post, critic Rita Kempley observed, "As resurrected by Penelope Spheeris, ‘The Little Rascals’ becomes an offbeat portrait of lost innocence. The li’l nippers are all got up in Depression-era drag, though it’s clear from the Los Angeles skyline…that they are really ‘90s kids caught up in a lovely anachronism." According to Kempley, "The only folks who don’t seem to belong here are grown-ups, though they are tolerated," in a parade of cameos by Mel Brooks, Whoopi Goldberg, Daryl Hannah, Reba McEntire, George Wendt and Donald Trump.

Another Washington Post reviewer, Desson Howe, noted, "Where you stand on ‘Little Rascals,’ Universal Pictures’ grubby-fingered attempt to transpose the ‘Our Gang’ series to the ‘90s, is pretty much where you stand on any comedy in which little children are forced to recite jokes inserted into their mouths by adult gagsters…The script, built to accommodate the kiddies’ slapstick, is sometimes perversely adult."

Memories of the classic Bob Hope - Bing Crosby "Road" comedies of the 1940s ("Road to Singapore," "…to Zanzibar," "…to Utopia," "…to Rio," "…to Bali," "…to Hong Kong") were recalled (although not officially acknowledged) in 1985’s "Transylvania 6-5000," a horror spoof teaming Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley Jr. (above) as inept tabloid reporters encountering various supernatural creatures while investigating modern-day sightings of Frankenstein’s Monster, written and directed by Rudy De Luca (a frequent contributor to screenplays for Mel Brooks, including "Silent Movie" and "High Anxiety"). Amid the presence of such comedic scene-stealers as Michael Richards, Carol Kane and John Byner (not to mention the luscious Geena Davis as a seductive vampiress), Goldblum and Begley Jr. obviously channeled the spirit of the "Road" pictures.

Part II

When Penelope Spheeris, the director of "Wayne’s World" and "Black Sheep," rebooted "The Little Rascals" as ‘90s kids "all got up in Depression-era drag," one reviewer, Desson Howe of The Washington Post, commented, "Where you stand on ‘Little Rascals’…is pretty much where you stand on any comedy in which little children are forced to recite jokes inserted into their mouths by adult gagsters…The script, built to accommodate the kiddies’ slapsticks, is sometimes perversely adult."

Speaking of kiddies’ slapstick and perversely adult comedy, Bobby and Peter Farrelly, the filmmaking brothers responsible for the 1994 cult comedy "Dumb and Dumber," starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels, had wanted to make a Three Stooges movie since the late 1990s, willing to forego salary for a percentage of the box office.

From 1934 to 1958, the Three Stooges, in their various configurations, made 190 comedy short films for Columbia Pictures. More than 100 of these shorts were directed by Jules White. Richard Zemeckis, the director of numerous hit movies, including "Back to the Future," "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," "Forrest Gump" and "Flight," once jokingly declared that Jules White "was the director who had the biggest impact on me, but in a way it’s true. He had a spectacular sense of timing, and he knew how to use sound to make the joke work. And his style was elegant and imaginative."

At the time, Peter Farrelly commented, "If anybody directed this movie right, it’s going to make $100 million guaranteed. Imagine if you did this right and had Jim Carrey, Bill Murray and someone like Chris Farley, it could be a classic, classic movie." (Was it a coincidence that Jim Carrey sported a Moe-inspired haircut in "Dumb and Dumber"?) "If it’s done right," Peter said, "no guy in the country would miss this movie, and they’ll drag their girlfriends."

Jim Carrey sports his bowl-cut hair in "Dumb and Dumber"

As far back as the 1970s, Mel Brooks entertained the notion of turning the Stooges into a feature film, picturing himself as Moe, Dom DeLuise as Curly and Marty Feldman as Larry. According to Brooks, "It was just too hard to do a Three Stooges movie that was two hours or even ninety minutes. It’s such physical humor and so hard to sustain a plot that could withstand their antics for that long. I felt it was better to go with a simple story within a story about a silent movie made to save the silent movie."

The result, appropriately titled "Silent Movie," starred Brooks, DeLuise and Feldman (above), with Bernadette Peters and Sid Caesar, featuring funny guest cameos by Anne Bancroft (Mrs. Mel Brooks), James Caan, Marcel Marceau, Liza Minnelli, Paul Newman and Burt Reynolds.

In 1986, Josh Mostel, the son of legendary comic actor Zero Mostel, starred in an obscure comedy called "Stoogemania." Mostel, best known for his scene-stealing performance as King Herod in the 1973 screen musical "Jesus Christ Superstar" (below), as well as for roles in the Adam Sandler comedies "Billy Madison" and "Big Daddy," portrays a shlemiel named Howard F. Howard ("Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard," anyone?) whose growing obsession with the Three Stooges threatens his engagement to Melanie Chartoff.

Made to cash in on the renewed popularity of the Three Stooges in the 1980s due to syndicated television and the novelty song "The Curly Shuffle" by Jump ’N the Saddle Band (the single peaked at #15 on the Billboard Hot 100), "Stoogemania" was not endorsed by Columbia Pictures (the studio home of the Stooges) or by any Stooges trademark holder and featured clips from Stooges shorts that were in public domain.

The most peculiar aspect of the production was that "Stoogemania" was co-written and directed by Chuck Workman, an acclaimed documentary filmmaker best known for his motion picture montages seen on  Academy Awards telecasts.

Comedy veteran Sid Caesar appeared in "Stoogemania" as a renowned Stooge psychologist. Years before she played Weird Al Yankovic’s girlfriend in the cult comedy "UHF" and went on to become "Saturday Night Live’s" typecast blonde bimbo, Victoria Jackson portrayed a nurse at a sanitarium devoted solely to incurable Stooges fanatics. The owner of an all-Stooge burlesque club was played by Paul "Mousie" Garner, who, when Moe, Larry and Curly parted ways with their mentor, vaudeville comedian Ted Healy, was recruited by Healy as one of his new stooges. Following Shemp Howard’s death in 1955, Garner was repeatedly considered as a replacement to join Moe and Larry but never made the cut. Continuing to entertain audiences into his 90s, Garner (pictured below, in his younger years) referred to himself as "The Last Stooge."

The late Phil Hartman, best known for his television work on "Saturday Night Live" and in "NewsRadio" (as a graphic artist, he designed album covers for America and Poco, and he also co-wrote the screenplay for "Pee-wee’s Big Adventure") voiced a passion for portraying Moe on the screen. He said, "I thought, God, me as Moe, Jon Lovitz as Larry, and maybe Chris Farley as Curly would be so good in the ‘90s. I’ve analyzed the Stooges, and besides the fact that it’s great mindless entertainment, the thing that stood out to me was that whatever happened to the Stooges, whatever incident provoked violence, whether it was Moe slapping Larry…or Curly, they always got over it quickly and went on with their business. They never held a grudge. To me, it was like a subliminal message that it’s not so bad to express your emotions, dispense the beating, and get on with your life."

Hartman noted, "They skewered snobbishness, gave it to those snobbishly matronly society women, which made them lowbrow and performers for the meat-and-potatoes blue collar crowd. There was something so accessible about the Stooges, down to Curly cataloging all of his hand moves, and Moe with his slaps and eye pokes."

Hartman explained that "the heart of their appeal is what I try to achieve in my craft and what the best people in my game accomplish in character comedy…to try to achieve funny, fully realized characterization and that’s what they did."

He observed, "Moe Howard was such a strong character. Curly was the one who stood out with his noises and physicality, but I identified with Moe. I’d like to play all three, but when I jut my jaw forward, put on the bowl-shaped wig, wrinkle my brow, and say, ‘C’mere, what’s the matter with you?’ I just know I could hit it out of the park."


Part III

David Zucker, a filmmaker known for his collaborations with his brother Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams and Pat Proft on such comedy spoofs as "Airplane!", the "Naked Gun" movies and "Scary Movie" sequels, once said, "The Stooges could make you laugh hard, but you could never do it for one and one-half hours…If I wanted to do it again, we’d make up our own characters. Even the Stooges couldn’t duplicate Curly when he had a stroke."

Quentin Tarantino, the director of "Pulp Fiction" and "Kill Bill," and one of many filmmakers with an unabashed adoration of the Three Stooges, believed that it would be impossible to make a feature-length Stooges movie. "Even if you…watch Stooges shorts, you’re burnt out by the last one. The first short, you’re on the ground, but by the fifth, you’re ready to go." He said, "It’s almost like saying let’s do a Laurel and Hardy movie. How do you do it without Laurel and Hardy?"

Interestingly, making a Laurel and Hardy movie without Laurel and Hardy is exactly what director Blake Edwards set out to do in 1986 when he envisioned transforming the Oscar-winning 1932 Laurel and Hardy short film "The Music Box" into an updated, feature-length comedy titled "A Fine Mess" (paraphrasing an often exasperated Oliver Hardy’ phrase, "Well, here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!").

Once a nuanced manipulator of polished sophistication ("Breakfast at Tiffany’s," "The Days of Wine and Roses") and the crown prince of slapstick redux (the "Pink Panther" films starring Peter Sellers) who could successfully combine highbrow and lowbrow entertainment ("10," "Victor/Victoria," "S.O.B."). Blake Edwards was on the down slope of his career when he wanted to cast Burt Reynolds and Richard Pryor in "A Fine Mess."

Instead of Burt Reynolds and Richard Pryor, Edwards was dealt TV actors Ted Danson ("Cheers") and Howie Mandel ("St. Elsewhere") as bumbling buddies (above) who run afoul of the Mob and are pursued by two bungling hitmen, played by another pair of TV actors, Richard Mulligan ("Soap") and Stuart Margolin ("The Rockford Files"). Paul Sorvino’s over-the-top portrayal of a gangland don is a far cry from the full-blooded passion he would display four years later as capo Paulie Cicero in director Martin Scorsese’s "Goodfellas." Any comic chemistry between Danson and Mandel is nonexistent, but we should at least mention  that, like its distant inspiration, the film does include a sequence involving the delivery of an auctioned piano.

Laurel and Hardy in their Academy Award-winning film "The Music Box"

If you blinked, you might have missed the 2000 television movie "The Three Stooges," a modest, sincere attempt to dramatize their career, from their origin as, literally, stooges for the manipulative Ted Healy to their triumphant comeback in live performances as a result of TV reruns of their film shorts.

The cast of "The Three Stooges": John Kassir as Shemp,
Evan Handler as Larry, Paul Ben-Victor as Moe,
and Michael Chiklis as Curly

Based on the definitive book The Three Stooges: An Illustrated History written in 1999 by Michael Fleming, the TV movie was co-produced by Mel Gibson, a self-avowed Stooges fan. Fleming noted that in "Lethal Weapon," Gibson "pulled a Curly routine right out of the hat, eye pokes and all," when he’s confronted by three thugs.

Actor Blackie Dammett gets the Three Stooges treatment from
Mel Gibson in "Lethal Weapon"

In the introduction to Fleming’s book, Gibson wrote, "For me, there has never been any mixed feelings about the Stooges. I’ve always loved them…and I remember being completely fascinated by the whole thing. These guys bonking each other with a crowbar. My brother and I laughed our asses off, and when we’d hear that ridiculous theme song that sounded like birds chirping, we’d run like it was the ice cream truck. I don’t know quite why we liked it so much. It’s your basic lowbrow humor, and yet I find it immensely pleasing in some primal way." According to Gibson, "The Stooges…had this raw immediacy, this primal humor that hits you right in the gut. And what’s wrong with that, letting your IQ take a holiday every now and then?"

Of his role in 1999’s "Payback" as a vengeful thief who relentlessly hunts down the accomplices who betrayed him, Gibson commented, "I’m playing this character as Moe Howard on acid…I play this low-voiced totem pole of a guy who just brains people trying to get his money. I actually poke a guy’s eye out. A little like Moe, in his deadpan way."

A reverent, sympathetic portrait of the Stooges, the television film is unfortunately episodic to a fault, unsettlingly rushing between events: No sooner has Shemp Howard replaced his ailing brother Curly (who had to leave the act after suffering a series of strokes) than a scene or two later, Moe and Larry are mourning over the grave of Shemp (who, eight years after stepping for Curly, died of a heart attack in a car after attending a boxing match).

The standout in the cast is Michael Chiklis (star of TV’s "The Shield" and "Vegas") as Curly (above, center). The actor, whose unfortunate film debut was a portrayal of the late John Belushi in the poorly received "Wired" (1989), long desired to play Curly and brings unexpected layers of pathos to his characterization. One poignant scene depicts a tipsy Curly returning to a hotel lobby where he is knocked around by female fans imitating the Stooges’ antics until things get out of hand and older brother Moe comes to his rescue. Later, hospitalized by debilitating strokes, Curly receives a letter from Moe, matter-of-factly requesting Curly’s signature to legally relinquish all rights, including use of pictures of his face and recordings of his voice, to Moe, "as owner of the Three Stooges." Chiklis’ tears and stifled sob are unaffectedly heartbreaking.

One actor's misstep: Michael Chiklis as John Belushi
in "Wired"

Part IV

At one time, Columbia Pictures hired Danny Jacobson, a writer for the popular sitcoms "Roseanne" and "Mad About You," to update the Stooges in a script that depicted them as losers with a grandmother who keeps prodding the boys to find a job. After Sam Weisman, who made "George of the Jungle," starring Brendan Fraser, and "The Out-of-Towners," with Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn, was hired to direct, Bobby and Peter Farrelly were approached to work up a new draft of the screenplay and produce the film.

Bobby and Peter Farrely grew up Three Stooges fans in Boston. For Peter "the highlight was Larry Fine’s understated stoogery." He noted, "I started out loving Moe and then moved to Curly, but as I got older Larry became the guy I loved most. You could watch an episode and see Curly or Moe do their thing and then watch again…just to see Larry and the way he reacted to them. He’s such a ham. He reminds me of Chris Farley during the years he was on ‘Saturday Night Live’ and wasn’t getting parts, but I always noticed him. He’d be in the background, off to the side, but his reactions were memorable. That’s why, for me, as much as I love Jim Carrey in ‘Dumb and Dumber,’ Jeff Daniels is the guy to watch, just the way he reacts off Jim is brilliant. That’s why Larry became my favorite."

The Farrelly brothers and the studio eventually had a falling out, and Columbia hired screenwriter Chris Matheson ("Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure") to revise the script. When Warner Bros. bought the feature rights from Columbia in 2001, the Farrellys were brought back on board. Seven idle years later, MGM picked up the script with an intended release date in November 2009. Casting delays pushed the release date to November 2010, but that same month, MGM filed for bankruptcy, and the production was taken over by 20th Century Fox in the hopes of a 2011 release.

Initially, the Farrelly brothers approached Benicio del Toro to play Moe, along with Sean Penn as Larry and Jim Carrey as Curly. It wasn’t long before del Toro left the project (Hank Azaria, who performs several voices on "The Simpsons," and Johnny Knoxville, from the "Jackass" films, were also considered for the role of Moe), followed by Penn, who dropped out to devote his time to charitable events in Haiti, and Carrey, who had already gained 40 pounds to play Curly but was concerned about endangering his health.

A hefty Jim Carrey questions his commitment to his craft.

Ultimately, Moe was played by Chris Diamantopoulos. In the controversial 2011 miniseries "The Kennedys" (starring Greg Kinnear and Katie Holmes), Diamantopoulos appeared as Frank Sinatra. Six years earlier, he portrayed Robin Williams (below) in the TV movie "Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of ‘Mork and Mindy’"

Sean Hayes, who won an Emmy for his role as Jack McFarland in the series "Will & Grace," was cast as Larry. In 2002, Hayes was cast as Jerry Lewis (below, right) in the made-for-television movie "Martin and Lewis."

As competent as Diamantopolous and Hayes are imitating Moe and Larry, the casting coup has to be Will Sasso as Curly. After small scene-stealing roles in several comedies, including "Beverly Hills Ninja" and "Drop Dead Gorgeous," Sasso became a popular cast regular on "MadTV," performing hilarious, over-the-top impressions of Arnold Schwarzenegger (below) and Kenny Rogers. Disregarding the fact that Sasso towers over the real Curly Howard by at least ten inches, he embodies an astonishingly inspired incarnation of everybody’s favorite Stooge.

Asserting that they were not filming a biopic or a remake, the Farrellys said their movie would take place in the present and would be divided into three 20-minute segments - not unlike the original Columbia shorts - within the frame of a stand-alone plot. The brothers claimed it would have "nonstop slapping, more in the tone of ‘Dumb and Dumber’…Our goal is 85 minutes of laughs in a film that will be very respectful of who the Stooges were. It’s by far the riskiest project we’ve ever done, without question, but it is also the one closest to our hearts."

"For the Farrellys," critic Peter Travers noted in Rolling Stone, " ‘The Three Stooges’ is a labor of love. For non-believers, it’s merely a labor." According to Travers, "The Stooges were always better in short doses. And 90 minutes of PG nyuk-nyuk-nyuk can seem like an eternity."

The framing storyline has Moe, Larry and Curly setting out on a madcap mission to raise enough money to save an orphanage (their home since infancy) from foreclosure. Which raises the question: Did the Farrelly brothers ever see "The Blues Brothers"?

Did we mention that it’s a Catholic orphanage? The Stooges - Moe, Shemp, Curly and Larry - were all Jewish.

J. Hoberman, a former Village Voice film critic who contributes a monthly column to Tablet Magazine, wrote, "The original Stooges were the Bensonhurst, Brooklyn-born sons of Lithuanian Jewish immigrants Jennie and Solomon Horowitz. Solomon was a garment-cutter…The three youngest Horowitz sons, Harry Moses (Moe), Samuel (Shemp) and Jerome (Curly), were gung-ho Americans, changing their name to Howard and knocking around vaudeville - sometimes as…blackface mammy-singers - before they were out of their teens. Moe began as a single act, then teamed with brother Shemp in 1916; six years later, (Moe and Shemp) joined Ted Healy as his Two Stooges (originally billed as Ted Healy & His Southern Gentlemen). Shemp left the act to go solo and was replaced by kid brother Curly…Healy recruited a third Stooge in Philadelphia song-and-dance man Larry Fine (born Feinberg), a bit more cultured than the Howards in that he could play the violin. Healy and his Stooges graduated from vaudeville to Broadway - leaving New York for Hollywood in the post-‘Jazz Singer’ talkie stampede."

The Stooges rarely played to their Jewish roots, with the notable exception of "You Nazty Spy" (1940), the first of a number of shorts that would capitalize on Moe Howard’s uncanny impression of Hitler, once he parted his trademark bowl-cut hair on the side and pasted on a toothbrush mustache as the dictator of the kingdom of Moronika. Noteworthy as one of Hollywood’s first assaults on Nazi Germany, "You Nazty Spy" was released nine months before Charlie Chaplin skewered the Fuhrer in "The Great Dictator."

Commenting on "You Nazty Spy," J. Hoberman pointed out the "striking…ways in which the Stooges foreground themselves as Jews, shouting, ‘Shalom Aleichem’ (a Hebrew greeting translated as ‘peace be upon you’) in unison in their first scene, expressing an irrational love of blintzes and sour cream in another." In the sequel, 1941’s "I’ll Never Heil Again," the name of a country Moronika hopes to conquer is "Yom Kippers" (after the holiest of Jewish holy days). Moe reprised his dead-on Hitler impersonation two more wartime propaganda shorts, "Back from the Front" and "Higher Than a Kite."

Interestingly, the new "The Three Stooges" movie was condemned by Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League anti-defamation organization, citing the film’s disrespectful portrayal of Catholic nuns. In particular, Donohue pointed out the nuns portrayed by "Curb Your Enthusiasm" creator-star Larry David (above) and by Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model Kate Upton (below).

"David portrays Sister Mary-Mengele," according to Moviefone. "The name is a nod to…Nazi Josef Mengele, an SS officer who decided prisoners’ fates at Auschwitz. As for Upton, it’s not so much her character’s name - Sister Bernice - as it is her attire. During one scene…the SI swimsuit model dons a very revealing bikini along with a large rosary around her neck."

But we digress. In their knuckleheaded attempts to save their beloved orphanage, the Stooges unwittingly become involved in a murder-for-hire plot masterminded by a raven-haired Latina (played by "Modern Family’s" Sofia Vergara). Every loyal Stooge-aholic knows that the best femme fatales in the original shorts were dangerous blondes.

Despite noble intentions and the great luck of assembling remarkable likenesses (Roger Ebert noted, "The three leads did an admirable job of impersonation"), the Farrelly brothers just don’t get the Stooges right. In black-and-white, the knockabout mayhem of the original shorts took on a surreal quality. Re-staged  in color by the Farrellys, the slapstick becomes uncomfortably realistic, made all the more unsettling by the depiction of the resulting bruises, blood and scars.

The Farrellys re-invent the slapstick standby of the pie fight with an unfunny scene in which the Stooges wield urinating babies as weapons in a hospital nursery and later, end a climactic chase scene with a humorless fart-lighting gag. The movie inexplicably closes with a pair of hunky actors (Antonio Sabato Jr. and Justin Lopez) introducing themselves as Bobby and Peter Farrelly to explain, in deadpan, some of the tricks behind classic Stoogery.

Especially disturbing is the Farrellys’ insistence on devoting a big chunk of the picture to the real-life cast of the MTV reality show "Jersey Shore," a manufactured pop-culture reference that already dates the film.

Snooki meets Moe

Beyond mixed reviews of "The Three Stooges," Hayes, Diamantopoulos and Sasso garnered praise for their performances. Leonard Maltin pointed out the "amazing performances by its star trio." Roger Ebert commented, "The Farrelly brothers have made probably the best Three Stooges movie it’s possible to make in 2012, and perhaps ever since the Stooges stopped making them themselves…I think this might be pretty much the movie Stooges fans were looking for."

Backed up by Larry (Hayes) and Moe (Diamantopoulos), Curly (Sasso)
masquerades as Hulk Hogan on "WWE Raw"

Ill-advisedly, Hayes, Diamantopoulos and Sasso appeared in character as the Stooges on the wrestling program "WWE Raw" (Sasso himself is a longtime professional wrestling fan, known for staged encounters with WWE stars Brett "The Hitman" Hart and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin on "MadTV"). The three actors were booed by a reportedly puzzled crowd before Sasso was choke-slammed by WWE heel Kane.

At one time, Peter Farrelly commented, "If anybody directed (a Three Stooges) movie right, it’s going to make $100 million guaranteed." The box office for the Farrellys’ "The Three Stooges" reaped less than half of that figure. A sequel, reuniting the three stars, along with Sofia Vergara, with the Farrelly brothers was reportedly in the works.